Monday, May 15, 2006

More mail!

Dear Giselle,

The hard part - the wedding - is finally over. Now comes the easy part - spending the rest of your life with the man you love. Congratulations!

Lots of luck and blessings on the two of you!

Dear Rice,

Last time we spoke, I was kind of sad and upset with you because you were giving me "issues." I was afraid I would never be able to enjoy you again. But with some trepidation, I've been trying other things to see what happens, and you know what?

Turns out I can eat wild rice. And brown rice.

In your face!
R. :P

Dear Fabulous Life Of...

For the love of all that's good and holy, would you please stop using Missy Elliott's "Get Ur Freak On" in every single one of your episodes? I'm sick to death of it already!

Peace out,

Dear Leah McLaren,

For a long time, you've been one of my least favourite columnists, but I couldn't pinpoint the moment I went from "meh" to actively disliking you. Finally, tonight, I remembered which column it was that turn me. It was the one where you talked about the type of man who's "just gay enough."

(For those of you not interested in reading the whole thing - and I don't blame you - a man who's "just gay enough" is one who can do manly macho things, like fix cars and watch sports, but is also a good dresser, can cook, and wear pashima.)

I realize you were probably just echoing something you read, and really, I should be rolling my eyes and heaving a sigh in the general direction of the article you were quoting from. But no, you're still going to bear the full weight of my scorn because you repeated it. You made it an acceptable excuse to use when a woman gets dumped by a man who's sensitive and has a "little bit of sugar in his veins." You made it an ideal, a set of standards for women to project on every man she meets, no matter how unrealistic. I was sincerely disappointed in you.

Please join the line over there, right behind Barbara Frum Amiel (oops!) and Dr. Laura, other female columnists I have absolutely no use and respect for.

Ms. R.