Monday, February 28, 2005

Vague Oscar content

I usually don't watch the Oscars, mostly because it bores me. I think I watched them last year because I had just got back from a road trip or was leaving on one the next day (something like that). This year, I went to an Oscar party and had a blast. Some observations:

The red carpet show was only interesting in that we got to critique what everyone was wearing. The general consensus was that Johnny Depp didn't look as quirky as usual.

Star Jones should not have worn a dress with a back that low. She's lost a lot of weight, but she's still a bit saggy and the dress really emphasized that.

Mike Myers looks orange-ish. Lay off the tanning lotion!

Chris Rock was very good and behaved himself. Well, except when he was dissing people who weren't there. I don't think he would have gotten away with the Russell Crowe bit if Russell Crowe (who I loathe) had actually been there.

What criteria did they use to decide which awards would be presented on stage and which awards would be presented in the audience? There didn't seem to be a theme.

"... comedy stylings of Jeremy Irons." Hee! I've seen his outfit variously describes as Jesuit robes and something that could comfortably worn at the dojo. I thought it looked snazzy.

Beyonce has a terrible French accent. Almost everyone at the party spoke French to some degree or another, and we universally agreed that she sucked. As pointed out by the Vidiots, why couldn't they have used Johnny Depp's wife?

Robin Williams - hee!

What in god's name is that thing on Adam Duritz's head? It looks like some kind of freaky atomic tarantula perched up there. We also admired the moxie of the guitarist wearing the "I (heart) Scarlett" t-shirt.

Speaking of Scarlett, who cares?

There is a woman sitting in Sidney Lumet's box with the most enormous boobies. She's applauding wildly, and they aren't moving, which lead us to believe that they are fake.

Oh, lordy - it's Beyonce again. And we like the fact that the Phantom is running away from her. Hee!

Sure, send out Penelope Cruz and Salma Hayek together and make me feel twice as fat and ugly. Thanks Academy!

Antonio! So lovely!

Strapless dresses seem to be the thing this year.

Josh Groben is cute. Beyonce... not so much. Enough with her already!

Yay Yo-Yo Ma! Farewell, Jerry Orbach! I'll miss you the most!

Prince is a pretty, pretty man. He has a very feline face. (I had a dream about him last night. Karen's friend Kris was doing his taxes, and we weren't allowed to be seen by him while he was at her house, so we had to hide in the laundry room. Which sounds like something that might happen in real life.)

Shut up, Sean Penn. Seriously, you have no sense of humour and I question your sobriety at that moment. Did you really sit in your seat for the whole show stewing about that remark Chris Rock made about Jude Law? You probably did, and spent the better part of that time thinking of a snappy comeback. Alas it fell flat, and somewhere out there Jude Law is shaking his head and thinking, "Dude, you are so not the person I want defending me. Shut up."

[Update 03/01: I heard tonight that Penn is starring in a movie with Law, hence Penn's comments. Still, "Shut up, Sean Penn," and throw in an eye roll for good measure.]

The rest of the show was pretty uneventful. Props to Jamie Foxx and Clint Eastwood, and better luck next time to Martin Scorsese.