Sewing tips from the human pin-cushion

Note to self and others:

If you are going to pin something in the underarm area, please make sure the pins are pointing down or towards the back. The pins are sharp and they hurt - a lot.

Thank you.

The party. With the... pity

Before I went to bed last night, I had semi-composed a rather maudlin post about my day and how topping it off with the two most depressing Verve songs ("The Drugs Don't Work" and "On Your Own") didn't cheer me up any. So, as I was laying in bed, trying to come up with a title involving the words "pity party" and "invitation," this bit of dialogue popped into my head:

Veronica Corningstone: Yes? What is it, Brick?
Brick Tamland: I would like to extend to you an invitation to the pants party.
Veronica Corningstone: Excuse me?
Brick Tamland: [struggling] The... party. With the... with the pants. Party with pants?
Veronica Corningstone: Brick, are you saying that there's a party in your pants and that I'm invited?
Brick Tamland: That's it.
Veronica Corningstone: Did Brian tell you to say this, Brick?
Brick Tamland: No! Yes. He did.
Veronica Corningstone: Okay. No. I don't want to go to a party in your pants.
Brick Tamland: Very well. Ian, would you like to go to a party in my pants?
Ian: No, Brick.
Brick Tamland: All right. Lets go.

I spent the next ten minutes laughing hysterically, and forgot most of what I was going to write.

Thanks to "Anchorman," you have a non-depressing post today, and my neighbours are probably wondering what the hell I was doing at about midnight last night.

Even bad guys blog

Darth Vader has a blog.

And from today's post, it sounds like we're having the same kind of day. Except that instead of dealing with the Rebel forces, I'm dealing with a sore back and serious PMS. But it's basically the same thing, really.

Hodgepodge

The woman at the Tim Horton's drive-through yesterday at lunch was the model of efficiency. When it was my turn to pick up my order, she was taking another order and getting together another order - mine was sitting in the open window, waiting for me to pick it up. I had correct change, and she took that, gave me my order, and told me to have a nice day with a big smile. I was in awe of her ability to work that window like it was nothing.

On my way back to the office, I heard "Lady Madonna" by The Beatles, and was reminded of what a cool tune it is.

Speaking of cool tunes, my new favourite downloads from iTunes are "Speak Slow" by Tegan and Sarah and "Little Girl" by Death from Above 1979. The first is cute and pop-ish, and the second demonstrates the awesome sound just two guys can make. I'm also loving Jet's "Move On" - it sounds a little like a Pink Floyd song (and Pink Floyd is not someone I listen to voluntarily). And my new secret (well, not so much now) guilty pleasure is "Save a Horse (Ride a Cowboy)" by Big and Rich. It's amusing - that's my story and I'm sticking to it!

You'll noticed I haven't updated my currently reading in a while. I haven't had much time to read, or do much lately. Plus, since we have an open-ended date for our next book club, so I don't need to have Eyre read anytime soon, and since I don't like leap-frogging over unfinished books, I'm standing still instead. So I'm a little frustrated with my reading material right now, to say the least.

Last night was our first of five three hour rehearsals. It was so long because we needed to practice our entrances and exits, and how to do them around the other groups coming on and off stage. Mostly though, it was a chance to see all the other pieces, especially the upper level who are using fun props, like sabres and zills (finger cymbals) and small triangular scarves and canes (but not all at the same time!) in their numbers.

It was also mostly boring. I'm in a grand total of four pieces - two class pieces and the two group pieces - and three of the four are in the first half of the show. I spent half the evening sitting around waiting for the finale. During the show, Karen (who is in the upper level and is in eight pieces altogether) has informed me that I will be her costume mistress, since she's got two pieces with major costume changes almost back-to-back. Which will kill time the night of the show, but is doing nothing for me right now. I'm bringing a book with me tonight.

I am not a heavy sleeper. I make the Princess from the Princess and the Pea look like Sleeping Beauty by comparison. So, when I realized that part of my sheets were untucked when I went to bed last night, I made the unwise decision to try and ignore it in favour of getting to sleep right away. For the next three hours, I tossed and turned until I finally got up at 2am and remade the whole bed. Understandably, I'm a little tired this morning.

And it's not helping that it's grey and raining outside and I'd happily crawl back into bed if I hadn't already made it.

Start the countdown!

The Serenity trailer

I am so geeked out right now!

Happy Birthday, Uncle Valma!

Hey, wait a sec - something's different...

Yes, I was getting bored of the pastel advocado green that was the background colour. So now it's white. And soon it will be something else.

(Soon, as in after I finish doing my taxes and laundry, which is on tonight's agenda, and after the dance recital, which is in two weeks and is on the medium-term agenda.)

Waiter, I didn't ask for an order of Spring with a side dish of ice pellets!

A few weeks ago, I posted a picture my mother sent me of what the weather was doing in her neck of the woods. I called her back, bragging about the double-digit temperatures I was experiencing in my neck of the woods.

Now, it would seem that the tables are turned. It's not much warmer down there, but it is currently snowing, and there are ice pellets mixed in with the snow. It doesn't make for a pleasant walking experience. I had to return some videos to Blockbuster, and got hit in the eye with ice twice.

It's worse today than it was yesterday. Yesterday, it was merely windy and cold. Karen came over for what has become our weekly stitch n' bitch session as we frantically try to finish the hand sewing on our costumes (she's almost finished her gold belt! I've started putting the strings of sequins on my skirt!). Later, when we went over to Kris's for a barbecue (Karen was invited; I invited myself), it was snowing - big, fat, fluffy flakes. Which kept up until after midnight.

I'm having trouble accepting that it was over 20 degrees Celsius on Tuesday, and now this.

It's after midnight, and do you know where your wits are?

I'd tell you what I've been up to tonight, but it would spoil the surprise. Plus, I'm waaay to mentally exhausted to summon up the energy to gush enthusiastically about it.

Thanks to Phillip and Mud Radio for supplying the soundtrack.

WIPs: April

Wow - for the first time in months, I actually have works in progress to post about!

The scarf I was making with Lion's Brand Incredible (I can't remember the name of the colour and have lost the wrappers - something to do with autumn. Autumn Leaves?) is finally finished. It was started waaaay back before Christmas sometime, but it quickly became a project to work on when I was bored with other things. It's long and narrow, and is more an accent piece than something that will be warm in the winter.

Also with the Incredible (City Lights - I had two balls of each colour), I've started Marnie's Flamenco wrap, with the intention of turning it into a belly dancing costume piece. Except that two balls of the Incredible was nowhere near enough, and I can't get any around here. Maybe at Wal-Mart, but I don't remember seeing any last time I was there. Originally, the yarn was purchased at Michael's in Barrie, so I either have to wait for the Michael's here to open, or wait until the next time I go home and stop in Barrie.

My dad's socks are almost finished - I just need to finish the toe on the second sock, weave in the ends, and it's done. I'm using Briggs & Little - there's enough remaining from the two balls that I can practice Kool-Aid dyeing on the leftovers.

I also started a pair of socks with some self-striping yarn from Schoeller and Stahl, called Big Mexiko. For the pattern, I'm using Wendy's toe-up sock pattern, which is fabulous and easy. Except, I have big feet, and I think I'm going to run out of yarn before I finish turning the heel. So what I'm planning on doing is frogging what I have done now (damn!), and restarting, but using some of the leftover Briggs & Little for the toe and the heel, and see how that works. Otherwise, one of my sisters or my cousin will be getting a new pair of socks. Lucky them!

And since my costume for the recital can be considered a work in progress, here are how things are going with that:

Skirt - basically finished. The hem is turned, and it looks uneven as hell, but that's the quirk of circle skirts. Since no one is going to get close enough to notice, and I'll be moving too much for it to be obvious, it doesn't really matter. All I need to do is put the embellishments - namely, sequins - on, and I can call it done.

Gold belt - also basically finished. It just needs clasps and closures, and for me to sew the gold braid around the top, and it will also be finished. Mad props to Karen's friend and classmate for helping me with the fitting and creation of the belt pattern, and for helping me hem the skirt and letting me use her serger. You rawk!

Gold bra - no progress on this. I would have worked on it this afternoon if I hadn't tidied, dusted, vacuumed, washed dishes, and made cookies.

And thus ends my WIP update for April.

The Management wishes to apologize

Is anyone having problems leaving comments? Karen - partner-in-crime Karen, not Karen-who-sings-in-a-choir Karen - mentioned she's been having problems leaving comments. So I thought I'd better check and see if anyone else is having the same problem.

Leave me a comment if this applies to you.

(HA! I kid! Send me an email if you're having problems - r l a r o c q u e *at* g m a i l d o t c o m)

Northern Ontario wildlife update

I SAW TWO MOOSE YESTERDAY!!!

(The reason for this excitement is that I've lived in Northern [really Central] Ontario for over a year now, and had yet to see any live moose yet - the dead one doesn't count!)

Weapons as distractions

This morning while I was flipping channels and eating my less-than-stellar pancakes, I happened across one of those fantasy/action shows that are always popping up and disappearing almost as quickly. In this particular scene, a blandly Aryan villain was sneering at a blandly menacing bearded figure shrouded in a dark robe, shouting, "We may have lost The Blade, but we still have The Lance!"

So, I started looking around my apartment to see what could be used as an undescriptive yet accurately named weapon to threaten my enemies with. Unfortunately, I didn't turn up anything that could cause actual harm, like The Chainsaw or The Broadsword, but I did come across the following:

• The Spatula
• The Fluffy Bunny That Sits On My Monitor
• The Beaded Lampshade
• The Kitschy Velvet Painting
• The Sewing Kit
• The Printer That Doesn't Work
• The Dry Hi-Liter
• The Container Of Scrap Yarn
• The Bar Of Soap

The Spatula could be used to scrape my enemies off the carpet. The Fluffy Bunny could distract my enemies with its cuteness. The Lampshade could be worn as a silly party hat. The Velvet Painting would cause my enemies to stop and seriously consider my questionable decorating abilities. The Sewing Kit - yeah, I don't use it for much either. The Printer could frustrated them with its inability to indicate exactly why it doesn't work (I think it has something to do with the print head, but I'm not sure). The Hi-Liter could send them on a fruitless search of my apartment for one that works (the secret is that I don't have one that works - HA!) The Yarn can be used to create a lovely multi-coloured afghan under which my enemies can huddle. And The Soap just smells nice.

And let us not forget the most dangerous of all my potential weapons - The Comfy Chair!

What weapons do you have laying around your humble abode?

My first accident

Karen: "I bet it would be cool to work at an RV place."
Me: "Why's th-- SHIT!"
My car: SCREEEEEEEECH *crunch*
Me: "Shitshitshitshit."
Karen: "Are you okay?"
Me: "I'm fine. You?"
Karen: "I'm okay."
Me: "Good. We're both okay. What about the other car?"

I had my first accident last night during rush hour traffic. The car ahead of the car ahead of me stopped suddenly, and there was only enough space between them and my car for me to mostly stop. After the driver of the other car came over, we pulled onto a nearby service road. I got out of my car expecting the worst, but there wasn't a scratch on either car. Not even a dent. The other driver, who turned out to work in the insurance industry, was also fine and was willing to let it go since neither car was damaged and everyone was okay.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll be polishing my lucky horseshoe.

Saturday night's alright for something

This post is only about two weeks late. I believe the saying goes something like "life is what happens when you're busy living"? It's been a chaotic few weeks, what can I say? But I think it's about time I wrote about it, because my mom's been sitting around all week dying to find out what I meant by "dirty dancing." And Karen's been dying to find out exactly how I'm going to explain this to my mother. And my sisters are just dying of embarrassment. As usual. (Hi guys!)

Karen, Karen's friend Martie and I started out at Coyote's. It was packed - we got there just as they were starting a lineup, but we only stood there for maybe five minutes. It's just your average bar/club with a twist - you must be over 25 to get it. It's a helpful policy that cuts down on the number of skanky 19-year-olds clogging up the place; on the downside, the number of skanky-30-year-olds trying to look like 19-year-olds increases. Or am I just being old and crotchety, and that's what bar/clubs normally look like on Saturday night? I'm out of practice, you see.

Anyways, we checked our coats and squeezed our way to the bar. While waiting for the bartender to notice us, we were enthusiastically greeted by a blonde woman and her friends ("entourage") who were quite drunk. We saw her and greeted her at least three more times before the end of the evening, which must have made us her new best friends or something. Eventually, we made our way to the dance floor, where some guy with Elvis sideburns and sunglasses was getting down. Cute. Later, some other guy had the 'burns and glasses and was telling us how soft they were. Nice. Now go away.

The dance floor was about the size of a postage stamp, and not one of the pretty special-issue ones, either. Happily, not many people wanted to dance. Or they were dancing in the cage, which is really just an elevated dance floor surrounded by steel mesh (hence, the "cage" feeling). The other reason not many people were dancing was the weirdly eclectic-in-a-not-good-way music selection.

I admit - I'm a music snob. I can tolerate - even enjoy - a mixed playlist if there is a flow to the music. The music at Coyote's had none of that. It didn't flat out suck, and there were some high points (I finally got to hear the "Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy" song), and some very low points ("Strokin'" - *shiver*) The rest of it. . . made no sense. It was a mix of hip-hop/r&b, pop, some rock, and country. Including "The Devil Went Down to Georgia", another song I haven't heard in years. I mean, it's not a bad song and all; it just sounded out of place.

So we hung around there for a while until the music started to go completely downhill. Martie wanted to go to Zig's - earlier in the evening, she had helped a friend of hers get into drag and wanted to see if he was still dressed up. Plus, Martie and Kris and Karen have been trying to get me to go there since last October, but I haven't made it yet. So we cruised on over.

Right off the bat, it reminded me of a bar I used to go to with friends when I lived in Halifax (Julie and Kim will remember it - The Tickle Trunk. At least, the downstairs part. Ahhh. . . good times. Good times.) Very laid back, very informal, and better music.

Eventually, we found Martie's adorable friend, D., who had changed, except for his high-heel boots, which he put to good use by demonstrating his model walk. Which instantly made us jealous - why is it this skinny kid can out-catwalk us three women? So we all sat around, chatting and watching the cute boys dancing.

So, then D. asked me to dance, which - okay. Sure, I thought, I can do this, no prob. It's not like it's been years since I've danced with a guy, but it's like riding a bike - you never truly forget how. And how difficult can it be, really? Famous last words. Apparently, what D. had in mind was to show me how to dirty dance, which is not what I was expecting. At all. "It's easy," he said. "Watch!"

Wowzers. I may not be old and arthritic yet, but I'm close, and there's no way I could recreate what he had just done without throwing out my back and dislocating my knee. Plus - I've just met him, and I can't do that with a perfect stranger! I managed to stammer an excuse, promised to try next time. So I guess between now and the next time I need to practice.

The rest of the evening was a blast. We danced and sang along, and basically acted like the divas we are. If you haven't unleashed your inner diva recently, I would suggest airing her out - it's rather liberating.

As it was the weekend of the time change, it was after 3 by the time we got out of there. Because it was chilly and D. had a bit of a hike ahead of him (in high heels, no less), we offered him a ride home. On the walk to the car, he was describing a guy he'd met, and mentioned something about this guy's "treasure trail." Apparently, Karen and I must have had the same blank expressions on our faces so he explained what it meant - it's the line of hair between the navel and the pubic bone. We looked at each other, and started cracking up. (It still elicits a giggle from time to time - hey, I'm easily amused!)

From there, we dropped D. off, and then went to Burger King for milkshakes, and then home.

And there you have it. My big night on the town.

Posing

Last night, in a fit of pique, I downloaded the song "Poses" by Rufus Wainwright from iTunes (I heart iTunes!). The preview was lovely, but it didn't do justice to the beauty that is the whole five minutes. The song has now gone into heavy rotation with my other Rufus Wainwright songs (April Fool's and Vibrate), and Ron Sexsmith's Gold in Them Hills.

Now I'm feeling all moody and melancholy, and all I want to do is hang out on my balcony, wearing a leather jacket and smoking. Except that I don't smoke, I don't own a leather jacket, and I spend as little time as possible on my balcony because I'm afraid of heights. So, basically, I feel like I want to do those things, but will probably end up doing what I normally do when I hear those songs - namely, moping about my apartment.

(I should also mention that when my moping gets too much even for me, I cheer up with Tito Puente's Mambo Gozon. It's very hard to be moody when faced with such relentlessly upbeat music.)

Steal this sign!

My cousins in Nova Scotia live near a road named - I kid you not - Round Tuit Road. I can't count the number of times I thought about going out there and stealing the sign to hang in my apartment. Really, the only thing stopping me was that I didn't have access to a vehicle and they live waaaaay out of town.

I am going somewhere with this. It's been a crazy week at work and domestically, and the next couple of months are going to be more of the same. So if I'm more scattered and unfocused than usual, you'll know why.

In the meantime, this is my del.icio.us page. For those of you who haven't heard of it, del.icio.us is a social bookmarking tool; that is, you can share your bookmarks with others. This particular page is my work-related del.icio.us, so you have some idea of the kind of things I'm working on. I have a personal one, but I can't remember the password, so there's not much there.

(And I haven't forgotten about the girl's night out post. Karen keeps asking me, "So, when are you going to post about what happened that night?" And I keep saying, "Oh, I'll get around to it." Get it?)

Five is the number that makes me want to boogie*

Yes, I'm still here. And yes, I'm still (still!) working on a post about Saturday. It's not like it was exciting enough to warrant this much time and effort crafting a post, or it was so debauched that I need to do much editing and self-censoring. No, just haven't had time.

Yesterday afternoon was spent fighting with my skirt for the recital. The fabric moves nicely, but there's a lot of it, and it weighs a metric ton. (Granted, in Egypt they actually have weight requirements for cabaret costumes, but we're not going that far. That said, my skirt alone would get me over the minimum limit on its own.) Then there was the waistband, a battle worthy of an epic Led Zeppelin song.

*sigh* I need to go iron my clothes for work and choke down some breakfast.

*A song from my unmisspent youth by The Look People

The wheels are spinning and the hamster's on crack

Originally, I'd written a whiny, angst-ridden, self indulgent post, something along the lines of, "Ooooohhhh, I had such a hard day! It was soooooo hard to concentrate on anything. But I can't tell you why! Give me pity!" Naturally, I rejected that, and will say this about today:

Ever have one of those days where concentration is well-nigh impossible, for various reasons? I'd be thinking, "Well, I know I have to do this, but I have to do that first, and then I have to remember to do something else beforehand-- what's that? Oh, now I have to do this too, and must do this, that, and the other thing first. And don't forget to finish that thing before the end of the day!" That I was able to find my car parked in front of the building at the end of the day was a major accomplishment.

Plus, I'm one of those people who like to obsess over the most innocuous things. Yesterday was spent fretting about something relatively minor, and I'm still fretting about it tonight. What's the big deal, you say? My tummy hurts. Granted, it's probably psychological - it hurts because I'm worrying excessively about it. Or I'm hungry, which is also possible, but I can't eat because I'm so worried about it.

See? Vicious cycle.

Now I'm going to go throw 44lbs rocks at a cute Scotsman. (sarcasm)I'm sure I'll be able to focus on the game tonight, nooooo problem.(/sarcasm)

More teasers about Saturday night: Usher vs. Alabama and dancing queens.

Ta!

So, you're probably wondering what the weather was like in Southern Ontario this morning

Yeah. That's snow. That's a crapload of heavy, wet snow. So much, in fact, that we lost a tree in our back yard.





That sucks big time.

And the weather in Sudbury? Sunny and windy, and a positively balmy 8C.

My recap of last night will have to wait until tomorrow. It's late and I still have laundry to fold. I will leave you with this teaser: cage dancing, dirty dancing, and a new expression for my vocab.

Night!

Tonight's forecast: Cloudy, with a chance of raining men

It's been a funny ol' day today.

Got up late and went for groceries. I can't be certain, but I think the guy in the seafood department was hitting on me. Because, y'know, I looked so hot with my greasy hair and bandana, grubby jeans and scruffy mules. I'm surprised he didn't ask me out then and there. H-O-T.

Better yet, when I checked out, the clerk was the same one from this incident. She was grumpy today, and barely looked at me. AND she didn't give me the bag that had my milk and cranberry juice! Grr....

Karen and I went cruising this afternoon. We went to a store that sells beads and embellishment for powwow dresses to see what we could find for bellydancing costumes. Strangely, they had the kind of coins that are used on my two hip scarves - it's not the first place I would have thought they were available. But I got a bag, because I have Plans to make my own hip scarf. I can crochet, I can (sort of) bead - I should be okay.

Friday morning, Karen's friend Kris was in the office when I got there, and told me, "You're coming out with us tomorrow night." It wasn't a question - it was a statement, so I've been mentally prepping myself for the big girl's night out. I'm psyched, but hungry, so I should go eat something and get ready.

If you're at Coyote's tonight, I'll be the dorky one complaining that it's past my bedtime and I want to go home at 11:30.

Just kidding. Maybe.

How do you say "Entertain and amuse me!" in Klingon?

Could someone explain to me why, for the love of little green apples, I'm still up? I'm bored, but I'm not really tired, so going to bed seems like a waste of time. However, I know that should I embark on some major project (like dying yarn with Kool-aid, my taxes, trying to get Blogger to play nice with the books I've read - oh, stop rolling your eyes at me! I'm going to get it right at some point!) I'm going to start dozing off.

To hell with this. I'm going to bed now.

First April Fool's Joke of the Day

Google Gulp

This must be Google's annual April Fool's hoax. Read the privacy notice, which is pretty amusing.

Personally, I'd like to try the Beta Carroty!