"I'd like to thank..."

Watching the Billboard Awards Saturday night, Kris, Karen and I noted the overwhelming trend towards thanking God and parents in acceptance speeches. There are others we would have like to see thanked that went completely ignored:

• "My Dark Lord and Master, Satan. You were right - I don't need a soul and I am doing so much better now!"
• "The Betty Ford Clinic. Betty, baby - we've got to do lunch sometime. And this time, it won't be liquid."
• "The Elder Gods. Cthulhu, Yig, Nyarlathotep, He Who Can't Be Named - you guys rock!"
• "My massage therapist, Niles."
• "No one. 'Cause it's all about me! Me! Me! Me! Me!"
• "I'd like to thank 'Hooked on Phonics' for making me a better speller."
• "My accountant, Bob, for teaching me about sex, drugs, and RRSPs."