Wednesday, January 12, 2005

How to read a pretty good book in an hour and a half

Prep time: 7.5 hrs

Start by flexing the afternoon off (yes, I take my half days on Wednesdays or other days in the middle of the week sometime. It's a guilty pleasure, so there.) Think about how you'd like to make chocolate chip cookies to eat while reading the book that has surely arrived by now.

Get home, retrieve the parcel notice from your mail box, go upstairs and get changed. Sew the pom-pom back onto your favourite hat. Put the calendar you bought for your mother into your knapsack so you can mail it when you're at the post office.

Remember that you have a library book on reserve, and decide to swing by there on your outing.

Go into grocery store A to see if they have jumbo chocolate chips or even mint chocolate chips. Realize they don't and continue on to library. Pick up book.

Go to post office. Find envelope big enough to hold calendar. When you finally get to front of line, cheerful clerk tells me that she can ring in the whole thing at the same time if I'm going to send it today. Go over to counter and fill in addresses and seal envelope. Stand in line, which has grown over the last few minutes. Finally get to front of line, pay for envelope and mailing, and start to leave. Come to senses, remember why you're here in the first place (parcel), and get back into much longer line. Collect parcel and try not to dance when you open it and see book you ordered seven months ago.

Go to grocery store B, discover they don't have jumbo and/or mint chips either. Decide to increase baking difficulty levels by buying massive chocolate bar that can be cut into chunks for chocolate chunk cookies. Buy butter as well, because you can't remember how much you have.

Stop at fast food place for lunch. The upshot of this is after a chicken burger and medium fries, you won't need to eat until breakfast tomorrow morning. Even though it's only just after 2.

Get home, put everything away and put on track pants. Pick up laundry on dining room table, do general tidy-ing things. Clean kitchen.

Decide that you are fed up with the way things are arranged in the cupboards because you can't find the Skor chips you bought a few weeks ago. Take everything out of all the cupboards, and group it according to function (dry goods, canned goods, storage device, and plates and cups.) Put everything back into cupboards in such a way that things are grouped in a more pleasing manner.

Start cookies. Turn on oven and put chocolate bar in freezer because it's kind of warm in the kitchen. Take chocolate bar out of freezer and realize it's now really hard to chop up. Dig out hammer and do the best you can. Make huge mess on newly cleaned floor. Eventually get a cup of chocolate. Finish cookies.

While cookies are baking, fetch book and unleash happy dance when you discover that the book is an autographed copy. With real ink.

Take cookies out of oven and let cool. Start chapter 1, thinking you'll have cookie at end of chapter.

90 minutes later, finish book and realize you haven't moved at all in that time. (What can I say? I read fast, and I remember almost everything I read.) Check cookies. Mmmm! Chocolatey goodness!

Start blogging about the whole thing and realize you've missed Lost for the second week in a row. Feel a pang of regret, but another cookie makes it all better.